Hi! Well, here’s a wicked twist to an otherwise serious Rexit saga! This piece appeared under my column “Tweakonomics” in the Hindu Business Line. You may want to read it at http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/opinion/columns/tweakonomics-on-a-different-wicket/article8760727.ece; else read it here directly. Enjoy!
The hunt for the one
BCCI. The hunt for the next Indian coach is on. A special panel will be interviewing potential candidates telephonically.
It is interview day, not only at the BCCI, but also at the RBI. The PMO has asked some economists to telephonically outline their plans to a special panel. As fate would have it, the lines overlap.
Urjit Patel: Good morning, Sir. This is Patel.
Tendulkar covers the mouthpiece and tells the others confusedly, “Its Parthiv Patel! I didn’t even know he had applied!”
Tendulkar: Hey! The safest hands in Gujarat!
Urjit Patel (blushing, thinking that its the PM at the other end): Arre, no, Sir! That is an accolade that suits you, Sir! I am just the guy who keeps the movement inside the target. That’s my philosophy for success. Benchmark correctly and then, just keep the inflation rate in target zone. Nothing can then stop us, Sir!
Tendulkar (hangs up, to the others): Excellent! Patel’s plan is to keep the other team from getting inflated scores. Wants to focus more on creating a better bowling line up. Nice!
The phone rings again. It’s Arvind Subramanian.
AS: Hi there! This is Arvind!
VVS (totally confused, to the others): What is happening? Where are the senior players? I can’t believe Sreenath Aravind is applying as coach!
VVS: Ummm, hi, Aravind! Well, we never thought you’d be interested in this profile!
AS: I think I am ready for it. Dabbling with developmental issues helped me to write India’s Turn: Understanding the Economic Transformation in 2008. In my current position, I have managed to put in some new thoughts into the policy. JAM is a case in point and it will revolutionalise our delivery mechanism! And my present profile puts me on the same wicket as you, Sir! I understand how the Government works. This insight will be greatly useful if I were to move on the other side! By 2019, I think I can really make India ready for her turn in the globe!
VVS (hangs up, in awe): Did you listen to that slip of a boy, gentlemen? He talks about India’s turn in the 2019 World Cup! But how will JAM improve the delivery?
Tendulkar: Must be some new diet! This boy is good! And did you hear that bit where he hinted that he understands how the Government works? That’s what any coach needs to understand in this country. Impressive!
Phone rings yet again.
Subir Gokarn: Hi, this is Subir.
Ganguly (mistaking him for the Cricket Association of Bengal Joint Secretary Subir Ganguly): Baablu da! Ki holo! I am so happy to know you are a contender for this post! What are your main strategies?
Gokarn (confused at being addressed as Baablu da): Umm, yes, well, the first issue is that India has held her own against a turbulent global change. However, to do this consistently, we have to now focus on infrastructure. That is the second strategy. The third is that food costs have to be addressed. Diversification of diets creates pressures, which the supply side has not been able to manage properly. And the fourth is to look at financial inclusion.
Ganguly (hangs up, impressed): That was something! Has thought of infrastructure, diets as well as better pay for our boys. A true champion indeed!
In the meanwhile, Ravi Shastri makes a presentation to the PMO and gets the job as the Governor. A Rentry to counter the Rexit!