The scene again opens in the political office, where Netaji is washing down a large plate of samosas with his third cup of Chai.
Netaji (with a loud burp): Aah! Now I feel good! I tell you Guptaji, creating constant innovative campaigns on non-issues is as draining as a work-out. I feel so hungry all the time.
Clever Guptaji (mumbling): You could try some food for thought, sometime. That would good for health of the country as well.
Netaji (sharply): What is that, Guptaji? What were you mumbling about? My food intake?
Clever Guptaji (sycophantically): No, no, Sahib. I was just saying you should take care of yourself. The country needs people like you, Sir. That is what I was thinking.
Netaji (appeased): Hmmm. So tell me Guptaji, how do you like our latest campaign? I tell you, at our meeting yesterday, there were all talking about intolerance. The High Up people said that they are feeling intolerant towards intolerance. Such intellectual debates! They seem highly satisfied that such an issue has been created out of practically nothing! It takes great creativity and thought!
Clever Guptaji: I really think it was a masterstroke, Sir! And then all those people returning awards; it became quite literally, a literary attack on the Government.
Netaji: Yes, yes. This award-waapsi campaign hit the Government alright! Say Guptaji, I was just thinking, I too want to return an award.
Guptaji (in alarm): But Sahib, you have never received one. Unless you are counting that medal for wrestling you got in Std VII, which you display so proudly. And Sir, I wonder whether returning the wrestling medal to the school will be news enough to get the media running after it.
Netaji (annoyed): Of course, I wasn’t thinking of the wrestling medal. Don’t get smart with me, Guptaji. But then, I am desperate to return something. What should I return?
Clever Guptaji: Well Sir, there is all that money you earned in those real estate deals. Optionally, those stock options in that company you favoured by giving them the land. There’s also those dollars in the Swiss account, 65 godowns simply full of Tur Dal, 500 acres of land in that swanky township, 110 kilos of gold kept in the bank lockers, Rs. 320 crores in property you bought in your wife’s name..should I go on, Sir? Instead of reforming the PDS, even if they reform you Sir, the prospects of the country will brighten up! GDP growth rate will start ticking, dead assets will come alive, BoP may look better, more transparency will inspire more confidence in markets and food inflation will go down. You can return the fundamentals to the country, Sir.
Netaji (earnestly): Hmmm, you are quite smart today, Guptaji! But still, all these things you mentioned cannot be returned. Much as I want to, I cannot help the FM better the fundamentals of this country. Had you told me to return all these hard-earned assets of mine to the country last week, I would have given it up with a smile on my face, Guptaji. After all, India’s economic interests come before mine. But alas! It’s too late now.
Clever Guptaji: How, Sir?
Netaji: It’s my favourite actor Anupam Kher. The good fellow says that there is no intolerance in India! Returning stuff is unfashionable and foolish. Aapsi karo, waapsi nahi! Intolerance has been around for the longest time. Why single out anyone? Bollywood calls it selective outrage, Guptaji! If I return my assets, I will be charged with selective outrage by the I-T Department, Guptaji! No, no. We can’t let that happen.
Clever Guptaji (quietly): I don’t know about the good actor, but you politicians are truly Anupam, Netaji!