Scene opens at the Congress Office, Akbar Road, New Delhi, where Sycophant Neta walks in to office to find Madam watching a Hindi masala film.
Netaji: Madam, we are really missing Baba…We miss his errr…errrr…his ..dynamic..errr..his sweet presence Madam. Oh! Is it true Madam? Is Baba coming back on the 12th?
(Ma)dam : Karan Arjun aayenge..God, what am I saying? I really need to cut down on watching films in all this spare time I get these days. That long walk to Manmohan’s the other day was a better idea than this.. Ahm…Yes..Rahul Baba aayenge..
Netaji: Madam, where has he gone? Oh, I know, there must be a definitely lofty reason for his disappearance…you were saying that he wants to introspect?
(Ma)dam: Yes, yes, a deep desire for introspection overtook him that afternoon. In fact, the poor dear has been constantly introspecting. Last year, you remember how the BJP accused him and the media sensationalized his introspection and said that he was snoozing? Oh, his mind was never meant for mundane things as price rises. Price rises? Price rises? Blah, what are price rises when the heart has fallen Mama, he asked me.
Sycophant: Yes, absolutely. And just as they rose, now they have fallen. Does that mean that Baba’s heart has now risen Madam?
(Ma)dam: Errr..Absolutely, Netaji. And now you will really see the new ummm.. phoenix rise from the ashes. He shared some of his sensational new ideas with me yesterday… he was elucidating to me deeper thoughts on women empowerment wherein we will call for a movement from kitty politics to gritty politics.
Netaji (in a dumbstruck tone): Madam, this is revolutionary indeed! And in this way, we will also be able to give a severe setback to Smriti politics Madam. Politics of fab to politics of gab, madam.
(Ma)dam: Speaking of gab, Netaji, I really think that its time to arrange one more interview of Baba in this new sensational avataar with that loud obnoxious fellow, what’s his name? The Nation demands an answer guy. The fellow’s mind is singularly mundane, I have often noted. Loud voice and mundane thoughts…hmm, he could be a good fit for the UPA, Netaji. But, I am upset with him because the last time he kept on asking poor Baba whether UPA will win and by how much margin and how and when and why. When all that Baba wanted to talk was women.
Netaji (cleverly): But Madam, now that we have lost so spectacularly, even he will have to sit back and listen to Baba talking women. Brilliant, Madam. I will call up Times Now Madam.
(Ma)dam: And while you are at it, also put the Birlas online. I want to congratulate them on their new education venture. What an idea, Netaji!
Netaji: Why are you so enamoured with the Birla education model, Madam?
(Ma)dam: Because that is what Baba is doing these days, God bless his pure, unadulterated soul. He told me decisively “Mama, I have so many degrees from so many international schools till date. But due to security reasons, both the Universities and I were not told that I study with them. But how long, Mama, how long can this go on? I have decided that I need a degree to my name. And that too in 45 days” And he bowed and kissed his phone reverently.
Netaji (with tears in his eyes): IIN, he’s from IIN..
(Ma)dam (sobbing with maternal pride): Its been a tough ride, but Baba won’t give up. Do you know, Netaji, that they even made the poor dear read seriously tough literature before they would accept his enrolment. He told me that he has been reading inspirational stuff from stalwarts like Bhagat Singh, instructing him on how to become 4 point someone. Oh, Baba! I am so proud of you!
Netaji (in tears himself): When the going gets tough, the tough get going, Madam!
(Ma)dam: And he’s got good peer group, I tell you. All these celebs that disappear actually do their IIN courses before going back to dazzle the globe with new talents. Do you know whom Baba was hobnobbing with just a week back?
Netaji: Oh Madam. I am sure that the peer group must have consisted of terrific intellectuals. Who was it, Madam? Who was it?
(Ma)dam: It was Putin, Netaji. From Russia with Love. That’s what they bond-ed on. Putin had come there to do a 12 day course on sensation or something..
Netaji: Do you mean cessation, Madam?
(Ma)dam: Ahm…yeah, something like that Netaji. Baba gave him a lot of help. After all, the connections with the Russians go back to Baba’s great grandfather, Netaji. They had a lot of high level chats on many issues like dealing with small troublesome bands in mufflers and brooms. Putin immediately recommended persecution in labor camps. And the only way to counter mufflers is go shirtless in Delhi winters. Baba, on the other hand, has suggested that Putin empower women with immediate effect so that the embargo problems can be handled. After all, no country can develop without women. Cult Baba.
Netaji (by now moved to a choked throat): Madam, madam, at the pace he is going, he will be re-writing the Discovery of India again, the little genius!
(Ma)dam: Yes, after all, they encourage creativity at all levels at the IIN. And he has great alumni to look up to. After the lungi dance, when Yo Yo Honey Singh had that fight with Shahrukh Khan and disappeared, where do you think he had gone Netaji?
Netaji (humbled before such shattering truths): IIN, he’s from IIN..
(Ma)dam: RaGa (what a musical name!) is currently writing critical appreciation of the Yo Yo works. “Lungi ko uthana padega, step karke dikhana padega”. Here, the lungi symbolizes the soul, that has to rise from the ashes to reach the sky, Netaji. Even Yo Yo himself started crying when he read Baba’s thesis. And he and Putin together have written a treatise on “4 bottle Vodka, Kaam mera roj ka” I heard that Yo Yo is now planning to give up his musical career altogether to start a spiritual camp at Delhi. Baba has personally set up his meeting with Ramdev Baba, so that it can go ahead, my helpful little angel!
Netaji: Madam, madam, do not starve us of his company anymore! Oh when can I meet him?
(Ma)dam: Oh Netaji, I too am waiting eagerly for him. He just has one final meeting with Yo Yo tomorrow. They have gotten into an intellectual branding argument about what works better: The goatee or the shadowy stubble. For final placements at IIN last year, this was the GD topic “Can the goatee look create overkill amongst empowered women voters.” Baba supports the stubble bubble of course.
Netaji: Baas, Madam. Let our dear leader come back. Let us launch a new Rajiv Gandhi Women Empowerment Yo-jana in his honour!