Dear Diary (The phone circus continues..)

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I set the alarm on Rajnikant aka OnePlus One, powerpacked with Android v4.4 KitKat operating system with 2.5GHz Qualcomm Snapdragon 801 quad core processor, 578MHz Adreno-330 GPU, 3GB RAM, 64GB internal memory and single SIM, Bluetooth v4.1 A2DP…(you see why I call it Rajni, right?) for 5:30 a.m today. It seemed simple enough except that whilst hunting for nice ringtones to wake me up in the morning, the little one had to set his preferences on my phone. He decided to go in for a ringtone titled “Nuclear Launch” .Really, why this sudden demand (and supply) for bloodthirsty things I don’t know; I should have NEVER let him see Pierce Brosnan dismantling 150 nuclear devices in Tomorrow Never Dies. Sigh. Anyway, the other tone of his choice was “Plutonium”…talk about nuclear families..grrrr…I, on the other hand, Karan Johar style, said my prayers and watching the new phone perched majestically on the bedside table said an extra one, “Please God, let it ring on time tomorrow”…no, no, its not that I don’t trust technology. Its just that in God, we trust…

Anyway, my prayers stood answered, and how! The nuclear launch happened exactly at 5:30 a.m. as planned and I woke up in the most bizarre and terrified mood ever. In 5 seconds exactly, I flipped open the phone to realize that …I did not know how to diffuse this one…God…how do you stop the damn alarm from detonating…I mean…ringing? In a wild panic attack that I would wake up the whole household at that unearthly hour, I rushed into the living room, trying everything that my now-fully-awake-mind could think of. There was this big circular alarm clock on my screen, looking like a time bomb about to explode. Puts the word “alarm” into new perspective, this one.

I punched it, expanded and contracted the icon…nothing. 5:33 on the clock and by this time, I was sure that the entire building would come to know about this new…phone thingy of mine…with shaking hands I went back to the screen wherein I had set the alarm, and finally got my Quantum of Solace, just as Rajni declared 5:36 on the right hand top corner. Well, I must say one thing though. Sure wakes you up, Rajni!

Dear Diary,

The family has responded wonderfully to Rajni. The whatsapp group is flooded with congratulations. Especially after I awed them with my gyan on the Android v4.4 KitKat operating system with 2.5GHz Qualcomm Snapdragon 801 quad core processor, 578MHz Adreno-330 GPU, 3GB RAM, 64GB internal memory and single SIM, Bluetooth v4.1 A2DP thingy. Rajni rocks!

Dear Diary,

You know how thick M and I are. I mean, this is the girl I grew up sharing everything she wants to see a picture of me talking on my new phone. How can I send her a pic of me and the phone from the phone itself? God help me!

Dear Diary,

I now have the dubious distinction of holding Dilip Samsung Kumar as well as Rajni in my purse. Dilip tells me the numbers, Rajni makes the calls. Punch on Dilip and swipe Rajni merrily is the stylized difference. Dilip’s songs were rather obvious, if you know what I mean. But when Rajni sings…errr…rings, it takes me one full minute to realize that I have a call…its kind of a nice mellow sound and I kind of listen in a trance, little realizing I have to take that call. By the time I go dashing towards the sound, I’ve missed the call. Whose call did I miss? Only Dilip can tell. How do I call back? Only time will tell.

Dear Diary,

What a day. Rajni’s rocking and becoming part of family rather nicely. The lil one has stopped talking to me, however, and that’s all because of Rajni.

Well, it happened stupidly. AK had called and as usual, we got talking about this thing and that. Now, the darling also wants to buy a phone and given that I am now extremely tech savvy, I told her confidently to go ahead and buy a Oneplus One. After all, its Android v4.4 KitKat operating system with 2.5GHz Qualcomm Snapdragon 801 quad core processor, 578MHz Adreno-330 GPU, 3GB RAM, 64GB internal memory and single SIM, Bluetooth v4.1 A2DP…heehee, I got that by heart now. Imagine, me…learning all this by heart. Just last week, I learnt a couple of verses of Madhushala by heart…”Ab na rahe woh peenewale, ab na rahi woh madhushala”…wah wah wah…and now, you can see what nonsense I am learning up. Hmm, the price of tech savviness, eh Diary? Anyway, I was just explaining to AK the nuances of the Android v4.4 KitKat operating system with 2.5GHz Qualcomm Snapdragon 801 quad core processor, 578MHz Adreno-330 GPU, 3GB RAM, 64GB internal memory and single SIM, Bluetooth v4.1 A2DP and she was listening on her Samsung Galaxy S (God bless her!), when suddenly I told her what every mom LOVES to listen to.

“AK, you are not going to believe this…my Rajni apparently can’t break even after being chucked about, because its got some Chimpanzee protection on it.” AK was instantly interested, since as mother of two, her phone gets chucked around twice as many times as mine. Oh no no no, diary, you got it wrong. Its not the kids that chuck it, god bless their dear little souls. You see, its the mommies that chuck them after they lose it completely after getting ignored the 267th time in the day.

“Really, Manasi, what are you saying? Is that right?” The poor dear is not yet tech savvy, you see..”Yes AK, its got a chimpanzee glass on it! So, its a kind of strengthened glass and is scratch proof and lots-of-bad-things-proof…total strength…like a chimpanzee” As I said it, I had a vision of a great big hairy chimp cradling my phone in its arms protectively and by jove, was I happy he was there to protect all mommies against their own phone chucking sprees.

“MMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM” Now what? Why is the lil mite yelling? “Its NOT a chimpanzee mom, its a gorilla!”Well, really, now, how does it matter…”Yeah, that’s what I said”. “No mom, you said Chimpanzee. How can you mom? To call a Gorilla glass a Chimpanzee glass is…ARRRGGGGHHHH” he stomped around the room trying to tell me how idiotic I had been. A bit rich, coming from a little guy who wrote passionately just last week in his civics exams, that Municipal Councils have the same rights and duties as Municipal Corporations…well, well, well!

Upshot is dear diary, that Municipal Councils and Municipal Corporations may not have the same rights. But primates do have a lot of rights, god help me. I mean, to confuse the giant hairy ferocious gorilla with the giant hairy ferocious chimp is SUCH a crime. Awww, the lil one’s not talking to me. All because of Rajni.

Dear Diary,

Well, its so strange to use that flip cover to save and protect Rajni, who as you know, is armed with a “Gorilla” glass…grrrrrr…now, I never had such a smart phone ever, and much as it has the Gorilla Category Z protection on it, all geeks told me that I need to further arm it with a flip cover. So be it.

So I got it a nice flip cover and for the first time, I was happy while shopping for a phone part. Because here was a choice in colors! Yaay! The website actually showed me lots of flip covers in different colors and it felt sooo like …shopping. Because shopping for the phone is no fun; you only have to ogle and then pay and then…you get Rajni in the water purifier box! Help!

Anyway, I got my white flip cover and with great fanfare flipped it onto Rajni + Gorilla. Well, the moment you open it, the screen comes alive..I like that…its very…welcoming J And a nice pink warm color to that screen. And while closing it down, I used the side button to close off the screen and then closed the flip cover. The little one gave a shout of glee.”MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM”!“What now?” I asked, knowing from that nerdy tone that some random geek attack was coming my way. “Mom, you closed the screen with the button! Heehee! ” Hmmm…so? “Mom, just flip the cover on it…that’s it…it’ll close down!” Oh! Is that it? So, with a great flourish, I flipped the cover down as the lil one gave a satisfied smug grin of having done his Deed for the day, the boy scout…(Apparently, they’ve been telling him the importance of Each One, Teach One in school and he is doing his bit for society by educating…ME…grrrrr..)

“But has it really shut down…” Ok, now, that’s my mind talking. Its got a nasty habit of …mistrusting technology? The niggling doubt syndrome. Oh, I am full of it. The first time I had driven the new car (the earlier one had only 4 gears), I had asked hubby casually “By the way, am I driving on third gear or on the fifth?” I dunno why the boys react so sharply every time I ask something sweetly, just to get my niggling doubt cleared.

Well, so to get you back to my flip cover, diary, I was wondering if the phone actually HAD shut down or not…so I opened it one teeny bit, one teensy weensy bit and was peering into the black space suspiciously, when “MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!” Oh no. Lil one’s not talking to me again. All because of Rajni.

Dear Diary,

In a moment of great madness and totally undeserved faith in me as tech support, AK bought Rajni. She just called me 5 minutes back in great dismay “Manasi, I got it! But there are lots of boxes with a ribbon and a little grey thingy…”


10 thoughts on “Dear Diary (The phone circus continues..)

  1. Just when I was feeling sad that I will not be able to hear your awesome Economics lectures and your thoughts on everything, I stumbled upon your blogs…and as expected, they are a complete package of delight….feels like I am back on the bench in the class listening to you talk…:) Cherished memories refreshed 🙂

    Thank you so much ma’am for writing…:) I am a regular follower from now, for sure! 🙂


  2. haha..
    Ma’am you were right.. I was laughing out loud while reading these Dear Diary blogposts =))
    My reaction to Chimpanzee glass would have been same as that of your son :p
    And the “has the screen really shut off” was too funny. Reminds me of how I used to check refrigerator light.
    Reading your blog one after another.. lot many articles to catch up. On lines of binge-watching, they should invent a word like binge-blog-reading..

    Liked by 1 person

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