Hi! I am so stressed that I HAD to write to you. Well, you see the new ACQUISITION is here…my Oneplus One. It came in a box so huge, it made me wonder whether I had placed a wrong order and bought a water purifier instead of this amazing geeky phone. In the box, there were many many many boxes..very cute. Red and white theme. Different boxes for different parts. One for the charger, another for a small lil grey something (For the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was)? And finally, the biggest one for THE One. Looks nice and wonnnnnnderful. But what’s this? Where’s the manual?
You won’t believe this Diary, but my super sized phone came with a very small, super small booklet. Now when I see a book, no matter how small, I have OCD to get reading. So I chucked…I mean, kept aside the phone gently and got to the manual double-quick. Now, this little manual had nothing to say on how to operate the phone…it was only about safety and precautions and told me in micro print “not to pierce the battery with a pin.” What an amazing instruction! I mean, are they serious? Or is this just some weird sense of black humor? There was also another novel instruction (so novel, that it had really never struck me till I saw it) “Do not paint the phone”..heehee…now I really want to..
There was also a nice red ribbon and a red dangler in the box. I thought both were rather cute, till my son inserted one end of the ribbon into the charger and the other into the phone…rather astute of him I thought. The charging cord was flat! And here I was, believing that only the world is! But the dangler, well, even he didn’t know what to do with it. So, this is the status Diary. I have the One, a charger, a super flat red ribbon cord, a little small grey thingy, a red dangler and a micro printed book in which they are telling me not to insert the One into a bath tub…God, will I ever be able to use this phone?
The phone is charged, it’s time to insert the SIM…but, oh, how do you open the phone? I tried to do every possible thing I could think of..frankly, I couldn’t think of too many. Once I realized there was no slot with which to pry it open, I did have a momentary urge to just throw it and see what happens but the lil one, well attuned into the when-mommy-loses-it-altogether phenomenon, grabbed it from my hands and rescued it in the nick of time.
Don’t know what to do. Had no other option but to call tech support- the supergeek. Now supergeek is actually a nice guy, but his laughter quotient seems to be an exponential function of my panic quotient and so, unless its really really urgent, I don’t really like talking tech stuff to him. So I called and after a casual cool comment or two about the weather, asked him “Oh! By the way, how do you insert the SIM in the phone?” Mad, unstoppable kind of laughter…oh! I’ll get you one day… I took a deeeeeeeep breath and said in my most sarcastic tone “If you are done? Will you now pleeeeeeease tell me how to fit in the sim?”
Supergeek asked me in a superior tone if I had received a flat little red oval thingy. Of course, I have, I told him…”I got my dangler alright! And I don’t know where to attach that as well…but first just tell me, how do I fit the SIM?” Totally mad, lost kind of helpless laughter. Surely I am not being funny, I was just thinking. Ok, after about 72 seconds of continuous laughter (he broke his own record…the last time when I had inverted my computer screen he had laughed for 71 seconds non-stop…GRRRRRR), when he emerged for breath, he gasped and told me “Listen. That’s not a dangler, ok? Just take the pin out of it” Well, once I did that (after freaking for around 36 seconds), he told me to insert the pin into a microscopic hole near the volume control. What! Oh god, is that how they fit SIM cards into phones these days?
This was so magical to my mundane mind, that as I inserted the pin, I was rather tempted to also mutter “Alohomora” and swirl the wand..err. the pin with a flourish but I thought supergeek might just lose it altogether.
Oh! But it was rather wonderful and filmy. A smallish tray came out filmy style. Neat! Oh, I totally dig this part of technology! “Easy Peasy”, I said with a wicked glint to the lil one, who was hovering around me anxiously watching mommy play surgeon surgeon. “And superwickedcool (that’s THE kiddie standard, diary),” he approved with a grin.
Alas! I was not to live happily ever after. A moment after we had passed the superwickedcool judgement on the sim card tray, supergeek, still on line, introduced one more terror in my life. “The One comes with a Nano SIM,”he declared. “No, it doesn’t,” I said rudely, wanting the ordeal to be over. More gurgling laughter. I felt like throwing an entire Nano (the Tata Motors one) at him. “Listen. Its no big deal. Just go and get it cut, ok?” Does it never end?
Am just back from the shop and I…am…UPSET. Firstly, my phone won’t work even after inserting the sim. And now, there are two more icons on the right upper side of the screen. One is a circular ring and its you know…fading out? And I am feeling terrorized. I am sure the phone is trying to tell me something…what the hell is that ring? Instinctively, I reached for the manual, which promptly told me not to use the One on gas burner and also reminded me snootily that the product I held was made out of superior technology and craftsmanship.. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Billions of blue blistering barnacles in a thundering typhoon…let me get my hands on whoever wrote this…this…whatisit….safety manual, eh? Oh, he is going to need safety, I’m telling you…
In the meanwhile, Supergeek, experiencing love pangs, told me he’s out on a date (actually, I approve…so geeks DO have a life! That’s the most “normal” he’s said to me recently..but the timing…oh god, does he HAVE to go dating right now??). Left with no other option, I decided to try and get some on-line help to work this out. Ok, now there IS help. Hurrah! On a youtube video, I saw a man explaining in real slow motion (I think they too know that if you are on their website asking for help, you are probably an economist and are totally freaked and have to be treated with kindness and sympathy) how to insert the SIM! You know what? I had inserted the tray upside down! That’s why it wouldn’t work (though if they can create pins which with surgical precision activate the trays, why in the world can’t they create trays that fit in only the right way)..
So, my dear dear diary, my phone works! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
The nice guy on youtube forgot to tell me what the circular ring in the right upper corner is. I searched and searched on line, but no answer. Just then, supergeek called after successfully impressing the girl “So…errrr…did you cut the SIM?” I’ll be damned if I tell him any of this. In fact I was quite sure he had called for getting more tech giggles out of the ONE circus running at my home, 3 shows, daily…AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH! So I told him loftily that I am right now talking ON the One..heehee…that startled him a bit (do I detect disappointment there…grrrrrrrr) But suddenly I howled into the phone “But there’s a ring thingy on the right hand upper corner and its fading…oh god, I am sure something is terribly wrong with my phone…what is the ring?” This time, there was a world record beating 87 seconds of straight laughter….I was just thinking could I afford to be rude and hang up on this guy, but my circular ring kept me in the ring…”That circular thingy, as you call it, is telling you the phone is getting discharged!” Another 14 seconds…I was taking deep, calming breaths. But then I thought, it can’t possibly get worse, anyway.. “There is also a triangle near the circle”…”That, my dear….”64, 65, ok he stopped at 66 seconds this time… “means that your phone is receiving the network signal.” Really? The geeks substitute the bar diagram with a triangle and no one bothers to tell innocent junta about it. How would you feel if the currency was changed just like that by the RBI without debate and discussion? I had a crazy thought of calling Arnab Goswami to put this debate up on Newshour “Tell me Supergeek…how could you possibly create triangles of signals without informing the users? The Nation demands an answer…” Heeheeheee….that will teach them alright…
I know what the small little grey thingy in the cute red box is! There are two kinds of sims, the micro sim and the macro sim…ooops, sorry, the micro sim and the nano sim…the geeks are so geeky, that they have given the users two trays, depending on whether you have a micro sim or a nano one…God, I feel so clever….technology is not that bad, eh, diary….you will just have to keep changing with the times, you know…
How does one transfer the contacts?
After the initial couple of days, the circus at home continues 🙂 Will blog with the gossip in a bit..till then! Keep calling, keep clicking 🙂